As men mature their sexual arousal is enhanced or inhibited by relationship dynamics and can be diminished by fatigue, manual labour, illness and emotional distress. Men’s sexual arousal and erection response reflect their physical, mental, and relationship health. By contrast, libido during adolescence and early adulthood may drive the continuation of sex and desire despite an unhealthy mind or relationship.
Women can be guilty of expecting a man to always have an erection for sexual activity. In some cases women can judge a man harshly for not responding in a manner to which they expect. I think there is a bit of double standard going on with some women expecting a man to have an erection on cue. There is no such equivalent expectation where a woman is expected to lubricate immediately. It is unfortunate that our culture permits greater flexibility in sexual response for women than men.
Women may benefit from broadening their conception of male sexuality and adjust to the physiological changes that occur with age_related_changes_to_sexual_function.
Many women jump to the following conclusions when their man starts having erection problems:
- I’ve put on weight and he is no longer attracted to me
- He doesn’t love me any more
- He’s having an affair
- He’s sexually bored with me
- He’s gay.
If you are thinking any of the above, your reaction during sex is likely to be anger, disappointment, defensiveness, distress or rejection. It is important at this point to ask yourself “Do your reactions to his loss of erection make things worse?” or “How might my reactions contribute to the problem”?
Also instead of personalising the problem ask yourself if it is possible that your man may be fatigued, stressed, worried about his performance, worried about your reaction, depressed, over worked or suffering from the fight you had last night?
The reality is that men are not machines and their sexual response is variable, just like women’s. Our society’s view of male sexuality is mostly focused on the experience of adolescence and young adulthood. The lack of open discussion about age related changes to male sexual function can create unrealistic expectations for both men and women.