So you like it kinky, join the club. Everyone has their own unique twist on sex and if you look on the internet I am sure you will find someone who enjoys sex the same way you do: no matter how quirky your fancy.

Depending on what you are into, finding someone in the cyber world can be easier than finding someone who lives near you and is a suitable partner. Having a very different sexual preference or sexual style to your partner can lead to feelings of being weird or abnormal. If you fear judgement you may be reluctant to discuss your kink with your partner. Secrecy about what turns you on can inhibit sexual expression. Some people choose to enjoy their fetish with someone other than their long term partner. This may satisfy your desires but can create a barrier between you and your partner; sex will be better outside the relationship than with your partner. Sex with your partner may become boring as you evolve sexually with someone else.

I encourage you to throw away your doubts about being weird or abnormal. The more I talk to people about sex, the more I realise that we ALL have our own quirks, even those who stick to the supposed straight stuff. If you embrace your own sexuality then your partner may too. Be proud, you can probably teach your partner something about themselves. Discover your sexuality together. There are so many ways to enjoy sexuality. Our culture still has a lot of exploring to do. I encourage you to explore your sexual style and tastes.

I realise that it may be easier to say this than it is to do it. There is still a lot of shame and stigma attached to sex, let alone about anything that is not written into the script of “normalcy”. People have a tendency to judge others when their behaviour is confronting or when they are unfamiliar with what is presented. A healthy relationship is one that respects the individual and is open minded to each person’s desires without criticism or judgement. Remember, as long as it is consensual and it is good for you, go for it. When I say consensual I mean the person with whom you are sexual needs to be legally old enough (yes this is important) and have the capacity to give consent. Coercive and self-destructive sex damages healthy sexuality and intimacy in relationships.

Please see Kink Resources for information on local groups.

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